Country record labels have finally perfected cloning. After years of experimentation and a number of mishaps, country music record labels have perfected cloning.
“When we started we just wanted to clone a few bros to send to country radio,” said a prominent country record label executive. But quickly they realized just how dangerous and complicated the new technology was.
“Before we knew it, there was dozens of bros. We couldn’t make it stop.” The Bro-Cloner 1000 (Patent Pending) was clearly not ready for prime time.
In no time, sales of sedans had fallen off a cliff and jacked up pickup trucks were everywhere you turned.
“We didn’t know what to do with them, so we just sent them all to country radio.” The labels didn’t think country radio would be receptive to that many bro’s, but to their surprise, that was all country radio would play. Bro’s flooded the airwaves with their songs about big trucks, girls in tight jeans and vague references to country legends that the bro clones didn’t actually understand. After awhile though, fans began to grow tired of the bros.
“I remember one day walking outside to the parking lot and seeing this one bro. He was sitting in his jacked up pickup truck blasting “This Is How We Roll” just balling his eyes out.”
Despite some bugs with the Bro-Cloner 1000 (Patent Pending), record labels bought the newer model called the I’m A Country Boy! The new cloning device came with a Macbook and twang thicker than maple syrup.
“Artists like Morgan Wallen and HARDY are prime examples of how far the cloning technology has come. If you don’t pay too close attention you might believe they are natural born human beings.” The cloning technology is so useful in mainstream country music because whenever there is a trend, record labels can quickly and efficiently pump out a bunch of guys that can chase that trend.
When the trend runs its course, the labels can quickly and easily dispose of the clones in a what is referred to in the industry as a garbage can (Patent Pending) and move on to the next trend. I asked numerous country label executives whether or not the cloning machines were capable of pumping out women as well. Unfortunately, their responses were a collective shoulder shrug emoji.